


i love you (ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?)

by preludes



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Character Study, Christianity, F/F, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28120041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preludes/pseuds/preludes
Summary: Shelby keeps her word.or: shelby and toni, immediately after shelby gave leah the note that changed everything.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 28
Kudos: 566





	i love you (ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?)

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on [my tumblr](https://adaineabernat.tumblr.com/post/637709771800264704/im-obsessed-with-the-wilds-you-dont-undwrstand-i)...first time writing for this fandom, hope it isn’t too bad <3
> 
> title is from cruel summer by taylor swift, which fits the whole vibe of _the wilds_ if you think about it

Shelby keeps her word.

She talks.

She reminisces on some of the worst days of her life for six hours; the men did not give her a window but they allow her to look at a clock with no numbers, and she does not lie. She tells the men some things, things about the island that they must already know, and plays up the ditsy deluded teenage girl act for as much as its worth. She runs a hand over her bristles of hair a lot; she never realised quite how freeing it would be to cut her hair so impulsively, the weight off of her back like Christ finally dropping the cross.

Her nails are too long now; they gave her razors to shave her head but not nail clippers. She knows that she could claw their eyes out easily if she wanted. And she does _want_ , in a greedy, all consuming way, to hurt them. Hurt them the way they hurt her, the way they will continue to hurt her. Jesus spent fourty days in the desert, but Shelby doesn’t know how long she’s been here. How long she’ll be trapped. She thinks of all the sermons her father used to give, about the Lord testing us, about original sin. Thou shalt not kill and all that. Shelby touches the space on her neck where her cross used to be — she does not know where they took it. Maybe they think she’ll strangle herself with it. Maybe they think she’ll strangle them with it. Maybe they just threw it away when they burnt the clothes she wore on the island in case of infection.

She tries to keep Toni out of the narrative as often as she can. Not that she’s ashamed; shame seems as fanciful a thing to her as safety. There are some things about the island that no one has to know, that no one deserves to know, that no one should know. The feel of Toni’s hand, the warmth of her mouth, the sounds she made beneath her. The sunlight reflecting in her eyes when Shelby kissed her; an angel in a sports jersey. The feel of the sand on her back.

Agent Young will not tell Shelby where he’s taking her to. She assumes, eyes fixed on the walls of dark wood, that it might be to another holding cell. Maybe they found out what she wrote to Leah and have decided she isn’t worth the hassle of keeping alive. Agent Young doesn’t grab her wrist roughly as the other guards do; she gently puts a hand on her back. She cannot remember her own father ever being so gentle. She almost finds herself relaxing before reminding herself that she is a prisoner here, and must always be on her guard. Her crutches squeak beneath her. If she ever gets out of here, she knows there probably won’t be anymore walking across stages in high heels at pageant shows.

“You can’t tell anyone I took you here, okay?” Agent Young mutters as he presses a series of numbers into a keypad. Shelby hears the all too familiar sound of a metal lock opening. “It was meant to be a surprise.”

“What the hell are you talking about—“

There’s no time for questions as the florescent bulbs above them flash. _Let there be light._

“You cut your hair.”

Shelby would recognise Toni’s voice anywhere. She didn’t think she was capable of crying anymore. She moves closer to Toni, still unsteady on her crutches. “Yeah—I—long story, okay? Are they—what happened to you?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Toni counters. “Can I…can I hug you? I don’t want to hurt you more than they have.”

Shelby wipes her tired eyes with her shirt sleeve. She can practically feel her mother shiver somewhere. “C’mere, please.”

Toni wraps her arms around Shelby and Shelby has no note to give her, no secret to reveal, no paranoia to justify with Toni. All Shelby has is herself and her words.

“I missed you,” Toni whispers. “I didn’t…they wouldn’t say where you were. No matter how much I begged, and trust me, I don’t fucking beg. I wanted to find you, but they lock the doors when we aren’t in interview and I—”

“You don’t need to justify it. The Lord works in mysterious ways,” Shelby recites, glancing over at Agent Young as he nods coyly. “I missed you too. More than I’ve ever missed anyone.”

“Well then,” Agent Young speaks up. “You’ll both be happy to know that the higher ups have seen fit to let you room together. They think it might make you more cooperative or something. And I may or may not have put a good word in about how much you care for each other.”

Shelby looks over to the king sized bed in the middle of the room. “They won’t record us…doing stuff, will they?”

Agent Young shakes his head. “I’ve seen to that. I’m gonna be working a lot of nights at the security cameras to look after you girls.”

Toni smiles at her; she thousand whatt smile that she seems to reserve solely for the few people blessed enough to have her love. Shelby finds it impossible not to smile back.

“I’ll give you some alone time,” Agent Young says as he steps toward the door. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, okay kids?”

“Sure thing dad,” Toni replies but not with nearly as much sarcasm as the words imply. Shelby sees Agent Young grin in the reflection of the large mirror.

Toni kisses her first, this time, runs her hands over Shelby’s new hair, bites Shelby’s lip. Shelby matches her enthusiasm, runs her hands through Toni’s hair, puts her lying tongue in Toni’s mouth.

The worst has already happened, and worse may happen still, so for now Shelby allows herself to bask in the heaven that the world becomes when Toni is with her.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you enjoyed !!! i’m @topcatra on twitter & @adaineabernat on tumblr if you wanna follow me on there, lets be friends <3333


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